Life without you is really boring.
Somehow no one else has noticed, but the sky is really grey when you’re not around.
And no matter what season it is, you make the weather seem incredibly perfect when you’re here.
You are truly beautiful and I’m in love with you.
Tiffany took one look at the words and hammered her finger onto the backspace key. She watched the little black letters disappear from the screen in front of her and felt her heart drop further and further with the growing emptiness of the blank pixelated paper.
Writing a love letter was not easy. For some foolish, hideous reason she had thought she would be able to just write down her thoughts, let them all out, verbalise her feelings. What had she been thinking?
The frustration reached a boiling point and she burst, letting out a little stream of madness through the keyboard. The sight of aoshboailygsfoILUSBLahsdkuavsdkahbsdLIABSCKASA on the screen gave her a fleeting sense of satisfaction, as if it was an actual achievement to go nuts on the keys. With a sigh, she erased the gibberish and tried to focus.
Love. Well, that’s a start, she thought, and she typed the word love at the top of the paper.
Okay. Love. Love…. Taeyeon. She added the new word to the row.
Love Taeyeon. That seemed like an instruction. And she already loved Taeyeon, so, feeling like she might as well do it, she added the letter I.
I love Taeyeon.
Tiffany is clearly a genius. She felt a bit better, adding that sentence to the fray. It was true, after all, she thought with a healthy dose of pure sarcasm.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m really tearing myself up over writing this love letter to you.
And hey Taeyeon, did you know, Tiffany is actually in love with you, too.
She squinted. She cringed. She shook herself thoroughly.
She went onto Google and typed ‘How to write a love letter’.
Listening to romantic music while writing, dimming the lights, penning expressions of favourite memories and wishes for the future. Tiffany grimaced. The examples of love letters they gave were not particularly interesting. She could imagine Taeyeon reading something like that and being nice about it but not particularly amazed.
She closed the search.
Her fingers hovered over the keys again as she returned to the document. Sure, handwriting would look better, but she had no idea what to write first so she had decided to type out the draft before spending time crafting the visual presentation.
And none of that made any difference now, as the only component to her electronic letter was the blinking of the cursor on the first line.
You blink repeatedly when you first wake up in the morning, she typed. A little flutter of eyelashes, a deep breath, a yawn as you squeeze your eyes shut again, and then three slow blinks as you get your brain functioning.
When you see me, you stop blinking. Every time. I’ve never once seen you blink just after your gaze reaches me. Instead, your lips curl into a little smile that my own mouth is drawn to echo. I love your smile, and I love you for giving me my smile.
She narrowed her eyes at the paragraphs on the screen. But, before she let herself contemplate it too deeply, she decided to keep typing and just delete it later.
You used to think that I didn’t like you in the way you liked me. You would stare at me from the other side of the room – I noticed you, by the way, I felt your eyes on me every time – and always when you were looking at me you would get a ridiculous, dreamy look on your face.
Well, maybe it wasn’t such a ridiculous look after all. I’ve never told you this, though you’ve asked, but that look on your face was what first made me think of you even when you weren’t near. You could see your dream, right there in front of you, and it must have been wonderful to be so close. But why did you assume I would never feel the same?
Taeyeon, I’ve loved you for longer than you realise. Longer, even, than I can know for sure.
And Taeyeon, I’ll love you for a time that is beyond measure for either of us.
Oh, have I mentioned this? Your very being is truly beautiful, and I am in love with you, further than my soul can see even though it reaches there.
Tiffany stopped. She hesitated. She read through everything she’d written and it made her want to squeal and burn up in embarrassment. Would she actually let Taeyeon read this kind of thing from her? These words, associated with her, in front of Taeyeon. The very thought of that scenario made her insides curl up. How could she ever possibly tell Taeyeon something like this? She could never let Taeyeon see what she’d written, ever.
But as her fingers moved to erase the words and close the document, something made her hold back. The letters caught on to the edges of her eyes, pulled her to read them again and again. Her mind was racing and her heart was thudding, and she could practically feel her blood flowing through her veins.
Giving this letter to Taeyeon would be the bravest thing she had ever done. Braver than standing up to bullies as a child, braver than talking back to her father as a teenager, braver still than the time she lashed out at a thief who had tried to steal her purse.
This would be the act of baring her heart to the one she loved. It was a terrifying, horrifying thought that sent fire through her bones and made her hands shake uncontrollably.
With a slow movement, she clicked print.
Her eyes met Taeyeon’s. She gave her the letter.
“I love you, Taeyeon.”